LeonsTemple Top Ten Lists

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I was going to just post MY top 10, but then I thought it would be fun to let others do the same.

So this is an open invitation: Write your list of top 10 albums or songs here (or people, or parties, or venues, or Jason Fortier haircuts). Be mean whenever possible because its funny.

Or gush with endearment and affection towards your favorite music. Both are good.

Whoever is the latest will be on top. Enjoy!

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Worst band names part II by Jeff T. Posted on 2010-02-13 12. TASM Lab JISM Lab. 11. Bone China This is a type of porcelain used to make dishes. Apparently the name "corning ware" was already taken. I guess we're all supposed to be like "these dishes rock" or "they're rockin' the pamolive tonight!". 10. Braintree This Thought Industry clone band had to pick a name with the same formula, smart+thing, so we know that they are cerebral and not just here to kick ass or rock or anything. Braintree is a town in Massachusetts near Mashpee (oops). 9. ClockMaker Wee! They make CLOCKS. Everybody loves clocks, don't they? Do they make clock radios? Snoopy clocks? Clocks suck. Being a clockmaker would be like worst the job besides being a toastermaker or a waffleironmaker or ultimatebrowniepanmaker. 8. Tongue Tounge (rhymes with "lounge") or tongue (rhymes with "bung"). If you shake hands with Shamoo, you use his tongue. The tongue is how lesbians pleasure each other. OK, I've got nothing here. It's better than "Torso". 7. Big Sam I'm not sure why a band would name themselves after a mall pretzel franchise (pretzels are hard salted biscuits - dictionary definition), but really this sound like one of those sex titles like 'rusty trombone', 'dirty sanchez', 'hot karl', etc. Like "this girl I was with was totally kinky, but when she squeezed out a Big Sam on my chest, I almost barfed" 6. First to the Fence I think the explanation was this was a childs game. But this doesn't rock at all. No imagination. No context. Lazy band naming in my opinion. You could pick anything in the world as long as it was cool or rocked, and you picked this POS. Give Chuck Wood a call, boys. Better luck next time. 5. Phil A. Sheo and the Goods See entries for FA-Q and Four Piece for my dissertation on puns and goofy spellings. 4. Spork A spork is something you get from Taco Bell. Do you know what else you get at Taco Bell? Diarrhea. There, I said it. 3. Cry Boo hoo! I'm cryin'. I'm a big pussy little girl and I'm so sooooo sadd! Barf. Nobody should ever admit to crying in a song (see: Coldplay; Bryers, Chris) much less name their band after it. Unless you mean an awesome battle cry. 2. Meet Sally Hi Sally. Sally, meet lame band name. Lame band name, apologize to Sally. Poor Sally. Whore. 1. Just Say Joe Dude only had himself to convince that this was a cool name (the hardest part about naming a band BTW, convincing three or four other guys that "Dead River Drag" or "Genius Hired Guns" is indeed a cool name) and he screwed it up. Boring, meaningless, trite, irritating, the worst band name of my second list of bad band names.

The Catfish Posted on 2009-07-31 All Couch house parties...I was the anal money collecter but got laid a lot.

kzoo things Posted on 2009-04-03 stan the mayor"kalamazoo loves youuu! one of the first Couch Haus parties, there was an electrical fire and no one really seemed to notice. i ll think of more later

top 10 craziest club soda moments by robin sussex Posted on 2009-03-24 1. OMG... the 2 live crew show, when brock sr. told me "lock the doors sweethaert, their gonna do the XXX rated show" 2. still the 2 live crew show, when the "crew girls" took special needs leonard up on stage, a lobotomy unfortunately couldnt remove that image! EEEEWWWW 3. Jeff sussex and the king of the surf guitar dick dale, really getting into an arguement, they were both yelling so loud, they were spitting on each other. dick won :) i mean dale 4. the naked guy incident, the why store show on the patio, he was doin a strip tease on the inside stage and security wouldnt ouch him, I had to try to stop him after the whities came off, he slipped out of my half nelson and ran out the front door, when the police asked for a description....uh...a naked guy running down michigan avenue...come on guys! 5. the annual 340 ball done by daddy longlegs, to benefit the medial marijuana bill. they had huge paper mache joints smokin next to the stage, a little stinky hippie boy asked what i would do if he jumped up and stole one, he found out! i locked him into a full nelson....peee- uuuuu his friends were almost crying that he got detained by a chick! 6. the little downs syndrome girl of a friend of mine (kate) who visited during the "bao wolf" (battle creek band) soundcheck, she covered her ears and ran out of the club screaming, wish I could have done the same! 7. PSYCHO tim the doorman, too many moments to mention 8. new years eve 2001, im tending bar by myself only to realize no one is helping me and no ones on the floor, I found em all in the cooler, pupils dialated, apparently trippin on scrooms!!!! 9. The outrage that ensued and the unity that followed, the night those turds kicked the shit out of brock sussex sr, some even offered to set up a sniper unit on the top of club soda and wait for them. 10. Dumping a pitcher of beer over PIMP MOE'S head, gratifying. 11. I know it's 11! The first moment I met jeff sussex and the last moment I said goodbye, RIP

Top 10 stupidest Kzoo song titles Posted on 2008-10-11 Posted by the Rumbling Boil of Amesbury From worst to first, the stupidest song titles from Kalamazoo. 10. Third Eye Third testicle. 9. Songs For Insects. I think Konichi Wah named their cassette "songs for lemings" just to make fun of how stupid this song title was. Insects don't even have ears. 8. Cornerstone Just so stupid. BTW, a garbage can is not really an instrument. 7. Daughter Mobius What does this even mean? A mobius band is a single sided plane, an anomaly in geometry. 6. Alexander vs. The Puzzle Alexander vs. the nintendo. Bob vs. the etch-a-sketch. See? It's stupid and unimportant. It's not only unimportant, but it's unimportant too. 5. Ballerina Ballet is for semen swizzlers, says me with two snaps. (in fallsetto) ball-a-REEEN-ah! 4. The Chalice Vermillion By the hoary host of Hogsworth, Harry Potter called and he wants his cup back! 3. The Flesh is Weak I used to listen to The Cars early records and to Motley Crue's most excellent first album ("Too Fast for Love", not to be confused with their radio hit "too young to fall in love", the album cover was Vince Neil's leather-clad crotch, whom now works at a car wash, but I digress) and their formula for naming a song was to pick a cliche (e.g., "take me to the top", "knock em dead", etc) and that would be the chorus and song title. Anyways, this is one of those songs. 2. Blistered Text and Bleeding Pens Doth thou thinketh this band make a good dungeon master? Lest we get stoned and seeketh out Mountain Dew and a twenty sided die! 1. Bearing An Hourglass Tell me master of time, who dost thou bear an hourglass? (this joke is getting old, but apparently it made it through the 1992 vetting process) How about Bearing a douche.

marty top 10 Posted on 2008-09-07 kazoo. fond fucking memories. meeting 2 kick ass girls named laura & balir in 1985 after the black flag show. meeting tons of people after that. kazoo was so much cooler than where i was from (battle fucking creek). my top 10 for fucks sake: Vine Firesale Last Laugh FAQ opening for Dag Nasty (a show I booked...ego!) Band practices in various basements Desacrator/Thought Industry Various house parties circa 1984-1988 Meeting goth kids for the first time and thinking "huh?" Keggers (!) in the student ghetto Boogie Records Flipsdie Records um, did I go over the 10???? Kazoo always ruled. Hands down. where'd everyone go? glad Jake sent me this site. Later fuckers that I used to know. marty

oops! Posted on 2008-07-10 forgot to add Sir Colin B. to my list. my bad... the shredder cheese list that is.

Top 10 Psychotics of Kalamazoo Posted on 2008-07-09 1. Purple Dave: Womens clothing, Rocking the fuck out while wearing women’s clothing. 2. Robin Rugburn: queen junkie…R.I.P. 3. El Gato: King of the Kalamazoo homeless. 4. Preacher Man: Dude got hit in the head by lightning then was able to quote the bible verse for verse on command…big back pack and hiking stick…manic walking up and down Westnedge? You know him don’t you? 5. Drunk Era Chris Bryers: Not a psychotic per se, but oooh….that menacing presence at the Jewel Osco beer department. 6. Derek Jeter: Just for joining Kabbalah and banging Madonna. 7. Mike Hard: Bibles and strobe lights and drugs and…. 8. Dustin Donaldson: For the sick drumming and sicker haircuts. 9. Larry Bell: Rumors of….well, it’s not fit for print. 10. John Fountain: That guy was out of his damn mind with all that witicisim.

Top 10 Psychotics of Kalamazoo Posted on 2008-07-09 1. Purple Dave: Womens clothing, Rocking the fuck out while wearing women’s clothing. 2. Robin Rugburn: queen junkie…R.I.P. 3. El Gato: King of the Kalamazoo homeless. 4. Preacher Man: Dude got hit in the head by lightning then was able to quote the bible verse for verse on command…big back pack and hiking stick…manic walking up and down Westnedge? You know him don’t you? 5. Drunk Era Chris Bryers: Not a psychotic per se, but oooh….that menacing presence at the Jewel Osco beer department. 6. Derek Jeter: Just for joining Kabbalah and banging Madonna. 7. Mike Hard: Bibles and strobe lights and drugs and…. 8. Dustin Donaldson: For the sick drumming and sicker haircuts. 9. Larry Bell: Rumors of….well, it’s not fit for print. 10. John Fountain: That guy was out of his damn mind with all that witicisim.

Top Ten (11) Best Shows in K-zoo II Posted on 2008-07-08 1. The Fluid with BAV (club soda) 2. Tad with Helio Creed and Thought Industry (club soda) 3. Afghan Wings with Green Magnet School (club soda) 4. Supersuckers (club soda) 5. The Jesus Lizard (club soda) 6. God Bullies (club soda) 7. Snorkel's last show (club soda) 8. Capt Dave and the lounge cats (club soda) 9. Poster Children (Flipside and Club soda) 10. Flaming Lips (flipside and Wings stadium) 11. Didjits (club soda - honor mention)

Top Ten Rock N Roll Guitarists aka Shredders Posted on 2008-07-08 1. Mike Roche - always a techinical wizard with perfect pitch, tone and serious riffage back in the day... 2. Todd McNaughton - very strange little man with great squealies. 3. Paul Enzio - can't spell his last name, nor remember it but thought he was creative and awesome. 4. Dan Roe - could do some of that neoclassical stuff that was popular for a while like nobody's business. 5. Chris Lee - did some pretty interesting things. 6. Gary Green - one of my favorite guitarists ever, always seriously unique. 7. Steve Spaeth - weird mathrock guy, always trying to oversophisticate things but in a good way. 8. Todd Campbell - you may be scratching your head, but he's still an amazing player, with the best guitar tone ever. 9. Steve Chaffen? - not alot of people got to see him play in your clique, but he could do some real damage with superfast fingers. 10. ME [Douglas Garnett] i just wanted to put myself on a list because i'm so in love with myself. actually, i thought i was one of the more original guitarists doing the prog/rock/metal thing once upon a time. i think i've grown into a much more tasteful player, but i still like to shred and play the mysterious chords here and there.

Top Ten Best Shows in Kalamazoo Posted on 2008-06-27 1. The Laughing Hyenas (Club Soda) 2. The Jesus Lizard (Club Soda) 3. Admiral (Club Soda) 4. The Nation of Ulysses (Elm Court) 5. Fugazi (Club Soda) 6. A single Sunday afternoon show that comprised of The Laughing Hyenas, Circus Lupus, FAQ, Pleg Camp and Fuel 7. The Make-Up (What is now Crow's Nest) 8. U.S. Maple (Harvey's) 9. Vine's last show (Club Soda) 10. 7 Seconds (Club soda)

First time exposed to K-zoo Scene... Posted on 2008-06-19 1. Tuna Fest of 1987 or 1988 that featured Godbullies, Junk Monkeys, BAV, and other bands that i forget but bought the shirt from the show. still have it... 2. Seeing Mike Hard and his drama show near club soda and the train station. it was very interesting to watch him acting out as an insane man... good show. 3. Man... there are so many memories when i was in town visiting before i transfered from ferris state to western michigan... 4. great people and great parties 5. best memory of k-zoo is seeing a kid who was like 10 years old, wearing a mowhawk, smashing ice off the steps of his home with a baseball bat. i was about to grab my camera to take a photo of it but no camera in car, dang!!! but the thought counts....

Inspired by this dude, Rob and his Records era Posted on 2008-05-13 1. Mudhoney - Mudhoney 2. Melvins - Houdini 3. Flaming Lips - In a Priest Driven Ambulance 4. Tad - God's Balls 5. Tad - 8 way Santa 6. Tad - Inhaler 7. Melvins - Singles 1-12 8. Metallica - Ride the Lighting 9. Mudhoney - Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge 10. Metallica - Master of Puppets

Records from this era I still listen to by Rob Posted on 2008-05-12 1.Jesus Lizard – Goat 2.Aphex Twin – Selected Ambient Works Vol 2 3.Beck - Mellow Gold 4.Pj Harvey – Dry 5.Helmet – Strap it on 6.My Bloody Valentine – Loveless 7.Meat Beat Manifesto – Storm the studio 8.Flaming Lips – Transmissions 9.Butthole Surfers – Hairway to Steven 10.Sonic Youth – Daydream Nation 11.Jesus and Mary Chain – Psycho Candy

Top 10 Things I Don't Remember Posted on 2008-05-04 (7) TI and a bunch at some party in the woods outside Athens where spaeth bodychecked some guy we had started calling 'thunderbelly' off the stage in the middle of red barchetta. (2) the night my little brother made a drunken idiot of himself at 4peacehouse and got arrested by that REALLY TALL cop. (11) Donaldson turning me on to king crimson's indiscipline, faith no more's zombie eaters, and the ride cymbal pattern for 'chalice vermillion' in the space of about 4 hours (31 flavors) One of my first gigs at a battle of the bands at St. Augustine, where a foolish american quartet got DQ'd (or maybe just came in last) for dropping an f-bomb and Johnny's Eyes either beat or lost my van halen/judas priest/kiss coverband lameness. (Zippadedoodah) God Bullies reunion in the bottom of the fruithouse, the only thing 'Freedom Rock' altman ever did that didn't make me want to smack him. (Gxglgrp) Red Cap Lounge (purple) being the opening band at the big state theatre gig in '87, snagging a pretty lil redheaded girl afterwards, taking her back to the axis house in comstock, and making it back in time to catch obtrusive mode or louden or whatever they were called at that point as the last act. There's tape of this somewhere that includes me with a ridiculous tommy aldridge perm; last I knew it was in posession of mr. robert sly who owned bullseye pizza. I think dave foxx is still mad at me for rearranging his kit. (ate) recording a break that turned up much later on a clockmaker tape in my living room apartment on rose street with spaeth and gary green, programming a drum machine and cutting a little girl eerie vocal over it that I wrote off the top of my head and remember nothing about other than it ended "mommy where are you?" they cut the programmed drum track and the vocal when they used it on the clocktape...wish they hadn't, it was cool. (mine) heading to boogie with dave h to pick up the temple of the dog cd the minute it was released, complete with some new guy named eddie on one track. I still have this CD, one of about three things I've managed to hold on to across several girlfriends, several states, and more pharmaceuticals than I had a right to live through. (then) the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of jams that had no real band behind them, just folks picking up instruments somewhere in the neighborhood of my drum kit and making lots of inebreated noises.

Best things to put on mashed potatoes Posted on 2008-05-02 11. Yogurt - Not as bad as it sounds, especially if you're a fan of greek/middle eastern/Indian food 10. Peas - you know, if you like them 9. Corn! 8. Onion rings / fried onions 7. Cheese 6. Bacon bits 5. Resses Peanut Butter Cups (kidding!) 4. Chili - A tradition with my Polak family 3. Gravy 2. Fried chicken / pork chops / steak, etc., as you may see at a fashionable restaurant, stacked high 1. Turkey + gravy

what i remember by doug udell Posted on 2008-03-29 10. sometime in '92 fatsack performs with purple dave 'on accident' at a house party at 519 davis. what fun 9. watching the club soda 'black night' shooting on top of what is now shakespeares pub. 8. all the LSD that the grateful deads traveling show used to bring to kalamazoo. 7. going to w.mains mt everest to see the snuffalupagus whilst tripping balls. 6. club soda being a great club... what the fuck happened there? 5. seeing SNORKEL for the first time with coleen washington. what a great show. 4. the old harveys. 3. the lovell st dairy mart where deals of any sort could be and were made. 2. fatsacks first actual show in ann arbor with the hyenas. that was a felony of a good time. 1. all of the incredibaly talented and retarded folks we met and got to hang with. thanks ps. i've had a couple strokes so really have a hard time remembering all the great shit. all i know is i wouldnt change any of it.

2 LEGIT 2 QUIT Posted on 2008-03-09 There's nothing like a few years to take a perfectly angry and cool art-metal, lay-it-to-the-man, heavy metal hair god and turn him into a complete LAME-O. On a weekly basis, we see lame-as-shit, formerly cool rock kids turn into fat, uninteresting pieces of domestic shit. Look at some of the recent posts here, such as TOOLMASTER with his family or JEFF BORKOWSKI with his birth announcement. Cool rock singers like CHARLES BRADFORD lamed out years ago with a career and kids. Think you'll see CHRIS SIMMONS writhe on the ground screaming WABUMA any time soon? Nope. It gets WORSE. GEOFF HALSEY not only cut his hair, but he bought a belt, no doubtedly lamed out by wife and kids (worsened by MOLLY's lame-out). Even our defacto cool chairman of the Temple, BRENT OBERLIN, is a salaried ACCOUNTANT for a Fortune 500 retailer. Who is left to carry the torch? Who is left to stand on stage, shirt stained in blood, alcohol and drugs driving through the veins, all knobs to the right, all faders North, microphone soaked in Lysol and spit, guitar strings buzzing under the fingers, waiting to wail to a Satan unholy, waiting to rock the virginity out of young girls, all living too fast for love, young hearts be free tonight... Here's a list of those 2 LEGIT 2 QUIT: 11. STEPHEN LYNCH Maybe better known as Mr. ERIN DWIGHT, Stephen has actually made a career out of singing dirty songs. Now an empire unto himself, he even brings the likes of ROD CONE to be 2 LEGIT as well. Steve has sold over 60,000 units, has four CDs, a DVD, two cable specials, and can sell out a major theatre given any major market. 10. MANDY NEUBACKER AKA MANDY L. She plays guitar and sings alternative type songs, the kind that make people take drugs and cuss. Despite her advanced age, we're still treated to sexy online photos, unhirably pink hair, and Cobain-inspired 'fuck yous' by flipping the bird. While gal pal MELLISSA MIHAIL is cavorting with blue bloods on the Vineyard, Mandy's telling the MAN to go fuck himself. 9. CHRIS BRYERS While Chris probably isn't quite ready to be "up all night / sleep all day" like Slaughter says to do, the former Twitch screamer is downright prolific in his song writing and releases. Since Nero Apologized and the animals slept in the trees, Chris has released four albums, all of them genuine treats. The big story here? Moreso than a fan of the stage, the dude just likes writing songs. Svelte and clear minded, Bryers proves that you can't retire from your heart. 8. LEPPOTONE ELECTRICAL RECORDINGS It could easily be 20 years now since Mark Peeters started doing K-Klub shows, and maybe 15 since the Sleestacks released their first 7 inch. Now? They have an active website, throw Kareoke and dance parties, and still (by their claim) might put out a record sometime soon. Plus the New Real People, King Tammy spin offs and the Sinatras still rage on. Admittedly, it looks like they mostly plan dinner dates at the Outback, but, still 2 LEGIT 2 QUIT. 7. THE SINATRAS When I first saw them in 1989, they had been together for 11 years. These septuagenarians have a MYSPACE page (did I just blow your mind?) and, according to Amy Stevens, they might release a CD prior to the Armageddon. 6. DOUGLAS GARNETT OBTRUSIVE MODER Douglas Garnett just released his latest VS. THE SUCT project complete with online videos. So is there any talk of taking care of kids, paying mortgages, or taxes? Fuck no, just wholesale evil - skulls, dirty ashtrays, gasmasks, bones, blood, syringes. Is this guy taking blood pressure medicine or taking multi-vitamins? Again, the answer is fuck no, its all destruction all the time. Syringes, smoking, violence - the type of disregard for personal well being that can only be appreciated by true rockers. 5. BILL CLEMENTS Bill's been playing bass since he was 13 and has been in about 20 bands, with his latest project Undergroundalienbass getting national reviews in the likes of Bass Player magazine. The Bill Clements Story is still intriguing to new audiences, and by all reports, still going strong. He still has yet to play a half-note or a rest. Dude hates em'! Stay true to your heart, alienbass! 4. Mike Hard Somehow made a career of doing googly-eyes, even securing Major indie label attention, despite the fact that you can't hear googly-eyes on a recording. I never understood the God Bullies. Everybody told me they were cool, but besides the googly eyes, I just couldn't get it. Over my head, I guess. 3. Vegas E. Trip AKA Vegas Jenkins Legally changed his name to "vegas". Plays in Clown band. 2. Kevin Oberlin After leaving Twitch, Kevin forms Sleet out in LA with Chris. Kevin stays in the promoting and rock business to this day, with an active roster of famous acts, including FEAR, EVAN DANDO, JESUS AND MARY CHAIN, THE MC5, SWERVEDRIVER, and TEARS FOR FEARS (kidding about the last one). Rumor has it that he's even dated female rockstars and has drank hot blood with Lord Satan himself. 1. Dustin Donaldson Twenty years in the business and the guy hasn't had as much as a paper route in terms of day-job type of employment, even if it meant posing in his underwear for a burgeoning homocore scene. Now with I AM SPOONBENDER, he writes and performs alienating music, often live scoring arthouse films in the second coolest city in America. Despite being forty, still has dayglow hair cut into Ringwald's "pretty in pink" coiffure. Lives the dream! 2 LEGIT 2 QUIT!

Top 10 Black Spring Moments By Tommy Posted on 2008-01-26 10) Realizing that we had no talent but could still garner respect & draw a crowd 9) Hanging out back stage @ Ozzy & Alice In Chains in Houston and afraid to meet Ozzy because we could not stop laughing at him. 8) Getting booked at an Indian resteraunt in St. Louis & playing to 4 diners trying to eat there jerk. 7) Getting into a fight on stage at Club Soda with Rit, throwing a cymbal stand back and forth @ each other. 6) Being able to fart on command for Brent oberlin. He said I should do a solo project called "Tommy Fullers Ass". It may still happen. 5) Watching Layne from Alice In Chains snort coke from the bag in our van in Houston. 4) Playing in Seattle and listening to Mike from Alice In Chains screaming for Darling Nikky. 3) Kim from Soundgarden wondering if I went to GIT to learn how to play the Wah Wah pedal. 2)Being billed in music revue as "Kalamazoo Orange Monsters" instead of "Grunge Monsters". So we painted ourselves orange and got as naked as legal, wore pumpkin helmets & rocked our asses off. 1) Trashing the stage @ Ricks American Cafe'. Craig leaned forward and said "At the end of the song move over, my drums are going airbourne. This place sucks cock, & not well." I moved, he threw, we threw, it was a fucking mess. Then Verve Pipe went on.

Top 10 Cover songs by Jeff (again) Posted on 2008-01-13 Best covers: This was a hard one to remember and I'm sure I'm missing most of the big gems, but here's what memory serves as a list: 10. I'm in love with my car, Overman OK, I shouldn't put my band in and, really, the version sucked ass. No one should be so stupid to try to cover Queen, even an easy song, because you're going to fuck the singing, even on a song that their drummer sang anyways. That said, what a queer and interesting choice. But really, Queen should be given the credit for writing this pompous, queer song moreso than us choosing it. We also covered FAQ's "Stuff" and The Sinatras " I don't want to follow" with no apparent improvement over the originals, but hopefully the compliment and homage still rang true. Chuck sang with us on our cover of "Hair of the dog" and I thought doing Tiffany's "I think we're alone now" was funny for a moment. Maybe a second. I hate playing covers. 9. Tiny Bubbles, FAQ They did this, right? See, they are clever too. And did it well. Did the kids stop moshing during this song at State Theatre shows? Of course not, pussy man. Wake the fuck up and smell the punk. 8. Movin' on Up, King Tammy This is funny no matter who's doing it, but King Tammy, most notably Chris Simmons, did a great singing job. I think it is totally required to be lying on the ground when you slowly belt "beans don't burn in the kitchen..." 7. Sesame Street, The Sinatras Yah, another funny one. They hit the downbeat hard, updating the song to a feasible Replacementsy fervor. "SUUUNNN-y day, everythings (beat) A OK" 6. Red Barchetta, Thought Industry This perfectly rendered version of the Rush song on TI's demo may have been more strategic posturing than anything, sending a clear message to all listeners that 1) they could play with the best and do it flawlessly, and 2) if we (as listeners) were to think them to be Metallica-loving hicks, we were sadly mistaken, because this was art, not just a country tire-fire hootenanny. That said, perhaps a cover of "love cats" or something would have taken off the Battle Creek axle grease, but then a dude could probably get his ass kicked for singing that fag shit. They would later pull the same gag on their Gelatin 7" covering Gary Newman's "Metal", again letting us all know that we weren't to confuse them with Pantera. Perhaps a purposeful tinge of irony that the new wave song was named "metal", the music they were trying to distance themselves from. Mercifully, no one could actually listen to Metal since it was on vinyl and no one had turntables. It was a snore, not because of their rendition but because Gary Newman couldn't write a decent song if his life depended on it. TI would later cover the Cars "your all I've got tonight" at the same time (I think) the Smashing Pumpkins did, and then later hit arguably their best cover of Devo's "Girl U Want". 5. The Kiss tribute band This was a whole bunch of covers, as Geof Halsey, Ron Muniz, Todd McNaughton and Brian Barnes pulled off a great Kiss with make up and everything. I saw them in someone's basement, maybe Evan's. Todd made a great Gene Simmons, in kind of hobbity way. And if you've seen Geoff in the last decade, it seems unlikely that he would have ever been a credible Paul Stanley, but, in fact, he was. 4. I want you to want me, FAQ Cheap Trick songs rule. 3. Pacobell's Cannon, Firesale Chances are you never saw Firesale, which was band that was to become Vine with Joel Wick on bass. Firesale, in a brave and awesome move, played Pocabell's Cannon in a slow, plodding rock riff with Chuck Wood playing the melody on electric guitar. Instantly recognizable, enjoyable and most likely the only classical piece a kzoo band played. This reminds me of a Screwtape show in Lansing where this douchey solo bass player announced to the audience that he had some special music by Bach he was going to play like he was the high lord of culture and Colin just completely calls it, shouting out the very name of the exact piece he's going to play. The same douchebag approached me after our set and offered to give me bass lessons. Now I know everyone can always improve their playing, but I never thought my performance was so stinky that it warranted someone coming up and telling me I needed lessons. 2. The Beautiful Ones, Owsla At the time, and in the context of the moment, when Chris Bryers forcefully poses the question "Do you want him? Or do you want me?" in this guitar-driven cover of the Prince song, you could sense a very genuine urgency, one, perhaps, more genuine than his royal purpleness ever pulled off. For me, it transformed the idea of "isn't this a neat song to cover" into "wow, its their song and its real". A kind of cool, album track to pick. In the one set I saw, they also did "Little Red Corvette" which was serviceable. 1. Darling Nikki, Black Spring With two "Purple Rain" covers in my top two, we could say it was a "sing o the times". Rit was made to beat the drums to a song like this. What fun. Tommy and Chuck always played snakey, so this song was perfect for them. They're number 1!

Top 10 Kalamazoo Moments, 1988-1992 by Lee Barton Posted on 2007-12-29 10. Chris Breyers jumping on stage with Rollinghead to scream the chorus of "Long Black Feeling" on the outside patio of Club Soda. 9. Screwtape, rumored to be enjoying some recreational RX, debuting a new song to kick off its set upstairs at Harveys. Then, upon completing said song, playing it again because they liked it so much! 8. Dustin from TI, Craig from BS and Kevin from T with their faces painted white, playing some trippy drum thing in the basement of the State Theater at Kalapalooza. 7. Catharsis ripping through the "crazy dinosaur song" (can't remember the real name) three times, each one better than the last, at a house party on Lovell. 6. The God Bullies at the State Theater circa 1989. Omg. 5. Watching Jeff Halsley alternate between flashing the crowd and tugging up his ripped jeans while blowing through a set with FAQ at Club Soda. 4. Black Spring guitarist Tommy Fuller staring down the crowd with those crazy eyes of his wihle playing a gig at Ricks American Cafe, of all places. At the end of the set, Rit kicked over his drums while Tommy and Chuck blew up the rest of the stage. 3. Soiled Betty filling the basement of the Couch House with their mammoth sludgefeast wall of sound. 2. BAV playing their last annual outdoor gig at that blue house on Austin Street. Keg beer and hot dogs for all. 1. Cottage Cheese screaming their hilariously classic lyric "No Butt Sex!"

top ten list Posted on 2007-12-27 Guitarists...hmmm.that's definitely a matter of taste versus knowledge.

Miscellanous by Bryan Charles Posted on 2007-12-20 Miscellaneous compilation of shows, songs, etc. No special order. 10. LAPD Riot Midgets’ first show at Harvey’s Pretty gnarly. I was hot for the bass player but it took me a while to get my act together on that. Child of divorce kind of shit. But this show was sick. Pre-Cherry, I think. I was drunk on hard liquor and people were tearing the place up. Paul Bayer was drunk and dancing around with this burly dude named Rod (not Cone), the big tattoo guy. Rod and Paul were doing this kind of aggro slamp type hug and Paul thought Rod was just goofing around but he wasn’t, he seemed like he wanted to beat Paul’s ass for some reason, so I went over and pulled them apart. 9. Daddyhorse I could go on and on about Dave Grant like others have. When I first heard Rollinghead I thought: I can’t believe this great fucking band is from my little town, and playing shows etc. Too many great lyrics to name but one of my favorites is “I don’t mean to correct you/I don’t need to be right but that isn’t a star/it’s a satellite.” 8. Jesus Lizard at Club Soda, summer of 1995 This is one of my favorite shows ever. Wick characterstically stuck his own band on this hot bill. I remember Derek Kenney stopping to try and read some kind of hardcore propoganda shit and the crowd was loud and didn’t care and he had to stop. Fletcher played some fun shows with Jihad, though. They were all right, they just didn’t have the chops they thought they did. And lyrically they were about as bad as it gets. 7. Inourselves Also played the Jesus Lizard show. I always liked Inourselves, to the extent that I even liked hearing them practice their shit over and over when we all lived on Walwood and they practiced in the basement. They had the split 7-inch with Jihad and blew them out of the water. “Strychnine” is a hot tune. 6. Broken Hearts Are Blue BHAB is one of the greatest Kalamazoo bands. The line-up of musicians is absolutely unimpeachable. Chuck Wood came up with some amazing shit for this band. If they would have stayed together and gone on tour—and I mean dropped everything and stayed out for months at a time like the Promise Ring—they would have been huge. Great songs but unfortunately their record sounds like cardboard shit. Gage was funny with those women’s blouses he used to wear. I love Gage. I love everyone in this band. Probably my second favorite Kalamazoo band. 5. Rollinghead shows at Harvey’s, fall of 1992 Paul Bayer and I were still underage then so we’d go to Harvey’s and go upstairs early and eat food and sit and wait for hours for the show to start, before they put a person by the stairs to check IDs. We’d drink 40 pitches of beer and be wasted by the time the show started. The Jerkey Boys were a hot new thing then and I remember Dean and I trading Jerky Boys quotes. Also they covered “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and Dave turned the microphone to me and Paul and we screamed the main lines through the loud parts at the end. 4. Selling Heaven, “Valentine’s Day” I haven’t heard this song in fifteen years. I bet it’s still good. 3. Chris Bryers Bryers is good at everything, from the aggro twitch shit to his new electro pop. I like it all. The one band I was kinda iffy on was Owsla. But I listened to the songs on this site and they’re better than I remember. I saw Bryers almost every time I went out, from 1992 through 1998. He even came to my solo show at the Comet. He was everywhere. I remember we ran into each other at Barnes & Noble summer 1998. We were both about to move out of town and we had a kind of intense talk there by the doors when you walk in, by the new release table. One time Paul gave him a VHS tape of twitch live. Bryers showed it to his folks. At the end of it, though, was footage of me drunkenly pulling my pants down and wiping my ass with a picture of a girl who had broken my heart in the eighties. Coincidentally I was wearing a twitch T-shirt. Bryers asked me about this later. He said, “Marv and June Bryers have seen your ballsack.” 2. The Deconstruction Underrated but better live than on record. Wilson/Bainbridge was the best Kalamazoo rhythm section. 1. Fletcher show in a basement in Cincinnati, early 1995 One of the greatest nights of my life. We were becoming a better band then and it was the best we ever played. There were a lot of kids all packed into this basement and they all went apeshit. We covered “If You Leave,” the OMD tune and I did a little solo bit of “Down Under” by Men at Work, a version that was weirdly similar to the sensitive one the main Men at Work guy started doing later. Afterward there were good vibes and everyone wanted to party into the night except me. I was an old man even then. I went back down into the basement and lay down on this filthy mattress with no sheets and listened to everyone having a good time upstairs.

WORST BAND NAMES by Jeff Posted on 2007-11-26 In general, I'm impressed with the level of creativity and brilliance band names were invented in the LT circle, but some of the them were stinky. Here's the top 10 worst, counting backwards from the least suckiest to the most suckiest. (I expect flaming retribution from the insulted below) 10. Kerplunk The Sinatras get a mulligan for this one in consideration for their other contributions. The Sinatras took this one on after the Trashcan Sinatras hit it big and they were worried about dilution of brand equity or being confused or something. "Kerplunk" isn't so bad, I guess, but it did a terrible job sticking. No one believed them when they said that it was their new name. 9. FA-Q So maybe this made sense when they were a hardcore band, but I'm don't think even a five-year-old would find this word play clever. The effect was lessened when they became "Fine American Quartet", but maybe they should have just grabbed on tight to plain ole "Fuck You". Could have worked. Of course, they never could have seen the "frequently asked questions" usage coming down the pike (or the web in this case). Stranger yet, the Internet community never saw FAQs with the same "Fah-que" alliteration that the band saw. Maybe because its that inane. For about an hour this band became "Interstate Brickface", too little too late. They still rocked, all said and done. 8. Aceldama Maybe this would have been cool to name a battlestar or such, but it quickly got out that it was fun to say "ack-el-dam-a", as if you were saying "The Yak will Wham Ya". Or "Black pajamas". Actually, "black pajamas" wouldn't be too bad of a name for a metal band. 7. Konichi Wah It means "Good afternoon" in Japanese. Was 'Hola' already taken? Maybe I didn't get it. 6. Memories of Tomorrow Remembering tomorrow? What a mindfuck. Here's some more: "Pictures of sound" or "Visions of Emotion". 5. People Love Dreams WTF? Dano's a great guy, but someone's got to make him put the pen down (and the bong). You know what else people love? Pizza. Dead fucking true. 4. Cottage Cheese Just kidding. This name is awesome. Especially given the context. They had a tagline: "When its more than an itch". 3. Four Peace Waitaminute: are they For peace, meaning that they want global harmony, or are they a four piece, like the Beetles were? Could it be both? These word plays are killing me. Was it really fair to put them at number 3 and FAQ at 9? Not sure. What should be known is that if one man can stop a war, four can certainly end it. Should the band get back together to solve our current Iraq war? I think the world needs them! 2. Table This is partly my fault, as I was there when this stupidity was encouraged. Table members, Brent, Chuck and a few others were sitting around a table and suggested that it would be an awesome name. It's not. It's lame. It's a pedestrian snore married to a sigh. A table is a device that holds up plates and glasses and ketchup bottles. At its most interesting, it may be used to display numbers or elements. In no case does it rock in any regard. 1. Twitch Maybe this worked a little during Feel the Palm, but boy it doesn't match up with the rest. Plus, there was another one in Detroit. Did they really give up so quickly in this process? Read through almost any of their song titles and let it be known that there was enough creativity and brain power here to come up with a proper band name: Eyelock, Homewrecker, Fantastic Zero, Nero Apologizes, Locomotive god, on and on. I would even take Frogman or Christmas Tree in a pinch.

Jeffs top ten songs Posted on 2007-11-11 Here are my top ten SONGS. I'm doing a countdown, going last to first. 12. I Should Shoot You This song isn't something I'm ever dying to listen to, despite its awesome homage to Number 28. It sort of proved that anyone could drop a D at the time and make something that sounded heavy and mean as shit. It made for a good live number with some good sprawling and rolling on the ground for the lead singer (that'd be Chris, BTW). 11. ButterFly, Selling Heaven (live but not recorded) "I try". Powerful. Memorable. Fabu. This may be the best bass playing we've ever heard from Bill Clements (he himself might be disappointed to hear that); he played the bass FEEDBACK to make it sound like Del Palmery whale calls. Very unique. The recording on the demo tape is decent, but I thought it was a much better event to see in person. 10. Lazy, Rollinghead It's hard to pick just one Rollinghead song, but I managed. 9. Stuff, FAQ Is it FAQ's best song? I couldn't say, but its easy to cover and you could get back on stage even when it wasn't currently your turn. 8. Stars, Mike Roche + Dave Grant This was a one-off, done at the studio by a random bunch and a case of beer. If you haven't heard it yet, download it from the Dead River Drag LT page, place lower lip under front teeth, and commence head bobbin' immediately. 7. The Daterape Cookbook, Thought Industry Whigged out dance song, I always imagine a squad of cheerleaders doing their routine to the main riff, and then, perhaps, being gunned down. Why is their keyboards in this? a proper Maiden-subscribing metal maurader might ask. Besides Boil this one has that burst of noise with the double kick that you'd thought there would be whole genre's around by now. "Angie's alone and stinking drunk. Stick it in and ride". Have you ever counted Brent's references to being gay on "Mod's carve the pig"?. All this "mick my friend" business (he's NOT talking about the Malt Liquor. OK, maybe he IS. But). What about all that screaming about being a "fucking faggot" in "Gelatin". If I remember correctly, he was even going to have a line in "Smirk.." that said "I'm feeling more gay than straight..." but the band took a rare veto on the lyric business. Anyways, this is an awesome song. It has to be listened to, for full effect, right after "Horsepowered" which is damn fucking lucky because that's exactly where it lands on the album. 6. Tracks 1-6 on Beaten, except for "Jedi" (which is good too), Twitch Its like a good song marathon, starting with the startling "Pull", all the way down to "Locomotive God". I like the one about the UFOs. 5. Varsity Sweater Bandit, Genius Hired Guns "What's wrong with my good intentions? I'm such a good quarterback" belts Colin Bradford. "I'll just take my medicine and smile all the time". You knew he was going to do it too. I want to cheer. 4. Kinda Like Love, The Sinatras How does Scott do that with his cymbals? Craig Verity and I used to look forward to the "kinda like love" part of the show just to watch the cymbal trick. Any drummer could easily tell you how he did it; "it's a doopadiddle with a stick bounce on the flim flam". Yea yeah yeah, but if you really knew how to do it, you would of COPIED it by now. Dipshits. 3. Songs for Insects, Thought Industry Yea, I agree with Chris that this is a really inventive and cool heavy metal song. This metal ska number is 11 minutes long and has 100 parts and it works. Its a mini-opera and a heart attack. You can see a live video of it off their myspace page. I should link it. Yup, it can be played live. 2. When She Fades Away, Sleet Haven't we all done this or at least felt this? You KNOW the young lovers are making out in the rain and wondering if this is it. Why does she fade away? Will you remember this song? Dudes, I really remember it! I play this one, then listen again. As an alternate from this album, I might pick wicked ways or any of the others. 1. Parasites, Dead River Drag You can feel a breeze going through this song. His brother's on the roof. The girl is disappearing into the leaves. There are bugs in the air. A preacher is consulted, even before its suggested. Folks breathing through their pillows after boarding up their windows. Its a five-minute survival horror film that's pretty instead of scary. Honorable mention: 10. Kiss Me Mary Anne, Owsla, The first 1/2 of Twitch's Homewrecker (including, yes, you'd have to guess it, Leons Temple); "Old cigars" from Doxie's first; The Freshman, The Verve Pipe (sorry team, but that thing is CRAFTED, its almost inarguable).

Joby - 10 Fav Kzoo Bands Posted on 2007-11-09 #1. Twitch (Medicine Ball) Contrary to JT I do hear hits on this record esp, when you consider when it should have been released. It was a bare minimum of 10 years ahead of it's time which I have long believed to be the Kalamazoo Curse the bands are soooo fuckin good nobody gets it. #2. Thought Industry - Outerspace is Just a Martini Away. My first listen to this album was getting real high with my cousin Derek waiting for some girl to come home in her driveway. We smoked a few joints and listened to it back to back (On Tape) and even tho it was freezing out we had the best fuckin time. I've read the liner notes to outerspace more times than any book and it's better. #3. First to the Fence (4 song demo) If you enjoy music that's even remotely heavy and you don't like this you're a dick. I loved every song they wrote. #4. Lo Fi Scorpio - Noir Maybe the perfect rock/electronic band in the world. Industrial with no cheeze, elektro without the pop, great songs, michelle Graff, it's pretty and it's brutal. #5. Trocar - City Water Still my favorite thing these dudes ever did. It's like the expiremental punk rock record. It was like going from Minor Threat to Fugazi only (locally) every song is brilliant and I like the clean parts. #6, Dead River Drag - Scarlett I've gotten drunk to this disc somewhere in the neighborhood of ohhh 1,000 times and I know Dave is drinking right along with me on this one. If you need more explanation you haven't heard this record. #7. Crick - Leave You Everyone in this band was cool in thier own ways, Matt knew how to be melodic and when to just pummel, Rick never shut up and I loved it, matt berkey is probably one of my favotite human beings tho I never see or hear from him and able to do more with nothing than anyone but Farkas. And Raymake was just fuckin pyscho (which makes a great frontman) #8. Genious Hired Guns - Dutch Mafia Listening to this the first time was like eating a big plate of What the Fuck is this? The missing link between mods and Outerspace. #9. Tasm Lab - Thing and Nothing Get drunk with Matt Berkey and play this record, see what happens, fun fun fun fun fun . . . . . #10. Doxie The melodies are super good and the guitar playing is stellar, I still think they may have had the best chance of blowing up to the masses i don't remember a last show or anything maybe they did blowup. Note: All bryers related music is pretty much lumped in with my Number 1 slot, ditto for TI

Mike K's Top Kalamazoo's Live Acts Posted on 2007-11-08 #1 - Godbullies #2 - Battery Acid Vacation #3 - Snorkel #4 - King Tammy #5 - The Sleestacks #6 - The Sinatras #7 - Twister #8 - Resin Matress #9 - FAQ #10 - Black Spring #11 - Police Riot Midgets (honor mention- they had a great girl bass player, i forget her name, she rocks...)

top 10 guitarists Posted on 2007-11-08 1. darrin doyle....lefty...fearless 2. paul kiry....swope proves this 3. justin miller....uh.. 4. bryers...restraint baby....he could fweelde your eyes crossed...but chose not to.... 5. nathan mclaughlin....acually number one....who can smile this fucking much and rock this fucking hard? 6. richard bowser...va?....sheeeyit even if he was wearing sandles.... 7. ron casebeer.....actually number one....uh....yeah 8. emmit schloven...sexplosive b power house 9. sean barney....deconstruction power pants... 10. dc derrick....fucking jihad...take another five minutes to tune your fucking guitar and then still suck.... honorable mentions? lessee jim cherry sean woods kevin oberlin....even if the pre bryers twitch full stack thin to heavy transitions were awkward....actually he'd be like number 4 or 5...perhaps 3 i redact myself as number whatever

Rit's Top Ten Posted on 2007-11-07 #1 Ron Muniz Fluid speed, power, precision, feel, groove, presence, and style. Did I mention the blazing, ungodly, speed with uncanny control? Ron is pure natural talent honed to an ever receding horizon of refinement. He’s damn sexy too. #2 Scott Stevens Kzoo’s ballsiest drummer…the holmez hangs it right out over the edge like a ridge runner in a souped up 1950 Ford coupe chased by the fuzz. The moment it appears that the wheelz r comin' off and the trunk full of shine is going to be ignited by a 100mph encounter with the ditch, Scott reels it back in drifting effortlessly back on course to further careen down an off camber, snaking, gravel road unscathed without breaking a sweat. #3 Adam Berg Just an all around pure musician. Nobody in the scene ever matched Adam’s feel… #4 Willie Ax Defined the pocket, steady like Charlie Watts, great ear, great feel…a natural with movie star good looks. #5 Jared Bryant The scene’s Bill Bruford, Terry Bozio, David Weckl wunderkind. Played circles around all. If you’ve never seen him sing Holy Diver you’ve missed out. #6 Jake Wilson Awesome talent. Great ear…incredibly hip time signatures that I can’t figure out that made the tune. Always played the right thing at the right time. #7 Kevin Farkas Black Spring opened for Twitch at the State Theatre for the Medicine Ball release. Twitch was so on that night it is remains one of fates cruel ironies that they didn’t go straight to the top. Farkas was on fire that night…you know the boogie… #8 John Barnevald Last time I saw John play, Fatsuck opened up for the Stunt Cops at the Olde Miami in Detroit. John was a seasoned veteran by this point and his double bass work was fluid, precise, and not stepping on the groove. John drove the band that night with a level of master worthy of recognition in the annals. #9 Mike Yount A cacophony of power, precision, technical ability, and originality. A gentleman on and off the court, Mike is a class act through and through. #10 Me The loco-motive gawd. That’s right……

Bryers Top Ten Favorite Songs Posted on 2007-11-07 1. Rollinghead - Favorite Killer "Caught between the dust and the what-are-you-here-for"...Perfect song. 2. The Sinatra’s - Harvesting If you didn't get choked up the first time you heard this then you have a black black heart. 3. Doxie - Red Pop The first time I heard that song I remember feeling a mixture of awe and jealousy 4. Snorkel - I've got a strong wrist (and a fertile imagination) I'm not sure if that was really the title. Sam sang that one. Strangely melodic for those guys 5. God Bullies - Act of desire Their live shows were the best…except for the strobe lights 6. Black Spring – Turn it off This unfortunately missed Girth. It was written on their first tour. Absolutely brutal chorus…Rit’s poor drum set looked like it was going to split in two 7. Thought Industry – Songs for insects Genesis meets Slayer. Still the strangest heavy metal album off all time 8. Feedbag – The Spork opera “Petunia…your there when a straight straw won’t do ya” …still waiting for a reunion show 9. Overman – Joke’s over I loved how they would drag that last chorus out forever. My favorite song of Jeff’s 10. The Sleestacks – My Hallucination They deserve bonus points for sounding like the Hollies during the Grunge years

Jeffs top ten albums Posted on 2007-10-27 My top ten list is crippled in the sense that I haven't heard everything, and my crush on Bryers. I've also excluded things I've touched. Here it goes: 1. Sleet - The Volume Drops Every song is just about perfect. The writing is superb. Chris told me that he did it all on purpose and that this one was supposed to go to the moon. I imagine it would have if it had leaked to the public. I wanted the title to be "The Stars Fade Above, the World Blown Away" (based on some of Chris' lyrics) but I think Kevin O liked "The Volume Drops" because they were getting away from the heavy metal. My favorite LT song might very well be "when she fades away" (the second track). "Fake Blue Eyes" could be a radio song. Perhaps the only fault is that some of the lyrics are plain towards the end. A+ 2. Dead River Drag - Scarlet I listen to this album every time I drive. It feels like a little movie about the "handsome hobo" who comes home to girl he loves/despises. Some great lyrics. Dudes falling down the basement stairs, the steeple getting to china first, and have another drink you stupid dreamer, you know I already TALKED to Jesus. I feel like the songs fit together and I make up videos in my head. Dave characterizes Kalamazoo superbly, with all of its wet dirty snow. "Parasites" might be my favorite LT song. 3. The Waterladies - Full Flavor Kings This one was a surprise! I never seen em'. Michelle Graf lent me her copy years ago, which I still have (sorry Michelle). This album is full of gems and makes for a dandy car ride. I don't know any song titles, but the first one is beaut (tell the landlord its too cold), I rode diablo makes me boogie in my seat. The one about going to the middle of the lake is pretty too. Consistent and vibrant top to bottom despite being recorded in two hours. 4. Thought Industry - Shortwave on a Cold Day Thick n' rich, sad, layered, fearful, modern. Good artwork too. I recently listed to "Outerspace..." and considered putting it here, but I needed to get Mike Roche on to the list and this one has far superior artwork. 5. Twitch - Medicine Ball Dude, it rocks. I don't think RCA would have made a dime on it, with barely a hit in sight (maybe "I never layed a finger on her...", but I doubt it.) "Church Bells" has some real reach. 6. Twitch - Beaten Senseless and Giddy with Love I almost can't listen to this anymore because I've listened to it too many times. Everything up to and including "locomotive god" is superb, then skip to "Jupiter". You would have thought they were writing the future at the time. I bet this is the record RCA thought they were going to get. Who picked out the stupid band name though? Couldn't they have changed it to something cool after Bryers joined? At least when they were signed. Afterall, there was another twitch all the way over in Detroit. 7. Selling Heaven Four Track Demo My copy of the tape says "killswitch : beaten sensless and giddy with love". Every song is good. They are all sad sad sad. He has one that goes "I work the 9 to 5..." and I'm like "dude, you NEVER worked no 9 to 5". At least not when he was 20. That's OK, because I never rode a bike to the moon nor raped a dead girl. Brent never went to Tiamen Square, and Chuck never ate a loveburger. Geoff did fuck a liverbox, though. 8. Genius Hired Guns - Dutch Mafia Another album with 11 good songs. Rumor was that TI was pissed the Brent gave these to the side band. My favorite here is "varsity sweater bandit" but I could be swayed to pick another. 9. Rollinghead - Live Vol. 3 "Lazy" is really good. Dave Grant is really good. 10. The Unproduced Sinatras album OK, they've never produced an album, but if they did, it would certainly be number 10. 11. (mine goes to 11) King Tammy - Welcome to the County Fair, Motherfucker Crazy shit that convinced you that KT could really lay it down. I should give special credit to the first album for its Screwtape homage though. During "superfriends" they jam on ONE chord for at least 64 bars. How did they write all this stuff so fast? It took them 10 years to write their first set. Honorable mentions: Girth, Interstate Brickface, Mods Carve the Pig, Songs for Insects, Bryers Birds and Hazel and the Black Rabbit

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